Mid-west & Western Treatment Options

Within the last 10 years or so, locating eating disorder treatment options (via the internet, word of mouth, and insurance companies) has definitely become easier and in some cases larger (in regards to the various approaches utilized by different providers). Nevertheless, many of us continue to experience difficulty when searching for updated available treatment options. That is, when investigating local treatment providers it’s more often then not, that we find the individual(s) listed on certain available resources have retired, moved, or are inaccurate contact information. In other cases with many of the treatment professionals that we are able to locate (i.e. attain a name & contact info), we then have to spend hours (at the very least) searching any available information on the provider to determine if they are able to appropriately meet our needs (e.g. insurance they accept, specializations, cost without insurance, treatment modality commonly used, availability [waiting lists frequently create roadblocks in attaining treatment], location…the list goes on).

We are going to post several blogs with various levels of care treatment options (out-patient, partial-hospitalization programs, residential, inpatient) within the local area (Western: Utah, Nevada, Colorado, Arizona, California, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Oregon, & Washington. Mid-west: Illinois & Minnesota).

Connecting with your treatment providers is an important part of the treatment process- of course also keeping in mind that your mindset and attitude about treatment is equally just as important- from connecting with the facilitator of your local EDA group to connecting with your individual therapist: it’s all significant to your success. Feeling heard and validated is essential to your healing process, therefore do not hesitate to voice any concerns (such as feeling invalidated) with your current treatment providers and/or anyone within your support system, because they cannot change what is ineffective in their treatment approach if they are not made aware of the issue. It may be helpful to remind yourself that you are IMPORTANT, you MATTER, and your voice DESERVES to be heard.

Stay tuned for a list of available resources!

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• for myself and no one else (onegirlarmystrong.wordpress.com)

Guest blog post: Meet Denise Patten Pace

I have struggled with anorexia since I was about 15. I am 42 now and still trying to come to terms with it. I had been in denial for so long about the fact that I even had an eating disorder because I had the misconception that anorexics didn’t eat, but from my perspective I did eat. I managed to keep my struggles hidden from those around me for a while. If anybody would ask about it, I would just tell them that I had good genes. In 2011, I lost control of my “controlled” disorder, and it eventually became apparent that there was a problem. Still in denial, I thought for sure there was something medically wrong. After many tests, blood work, and a colonoscopy, it was confirmed…I was battling anorexia nervosa. I personally decided to go to the Center for Change on April 18th, 2011. It was definitely one of the hardest, most emotional decisions I have ever had to make. I am the mother of 2 daughters and one son and at the time my oldest daughter was pregnant with my first grandchild. That decision meant that I missed my daughter’s 13th birthday and my 19th wedding anniversary…However: that decision also saved my life. I’m not going to say that recovery has been easy or that I have never struggled since discharging from treatment, or that I don’t fall flat on my face occasionally… nevertheless, when those things do happen I don’t just give up and allow those difficult times get the best of me; instead, I get up, wipe myself off, and continue moving forward.

*Denise is currently a “full-time” volunteer with Project HEAL- Utah Chapter. She will be leading presentations on eating disorder education, helping spread awareness of the seriousness of eating disorders, and work with our team to maintain the missions and values upheld by Project HEAL. 

Project HEAL (Help to: Eat, Accept, & Live)

• We are so incredibly grateful to have Denise on our team! Throughout the upcoming 2013-2014 academic school year she will help us continue to educate the local Utah community about the important topics such as body image struggles, low self-esteem, eating disorders, chronic dieting, and much more!
• For more information about Denise, our chapter of Project HEAL, and so on, check us out on Facebook www.facebook.com/ProjectHEALUtahChapter 
• If you are interested in volunteering with our chapter please e-mail us at: projectheal.utah@gmail.com

Related articles

• The Psychology of Eating Disorders (psychcentral.com)
• Explaining Eating Disorders: EDNOS – The Invisible Disorder (georgiascarrcv.wordpress.com)
• Book Review: Almost Anorexic (uncexchanges.wordpress.com)

Mirror Mirror- NOT on the Wall

One of the things I have been doing this summer while I am back home in New York is working part-time at the private beach clubs in my small beach town on Long Island. As a part-time employee, I’m placed at different beach entries (working security) covering wherever they may need me. Earlier this week I was placed at a beach that had just rebuilt it’s shack, which was destroyed months ago during hurricane Sandy…much to my surprise, the new bathrooms did not have any mirrors installed (as the shack wasn’t entirely completed in its rebuilding process). Initially I was struck with thoughts and concerns about my appearance- “what if my hair becomes an ugly mess and I have no idea”- was one of the worries that came to mind. Nevertheless, within minutes I began to challenge those thoughts simply by repeating a one worded question to myself: “so?”

For example, lets take that worry about my hair becoming a mess- instead of giving that thought more power by obsessing over the fact that I ultimately have little control over my hair, I took control by questioning the actual significance of the appearance of my hair. Realistically, since I work at the beach which involves the sun, humidity, and wind, there’s a lot already with my hair that I just can’t control (e.g. the fact that my hair frizzes up sometimes, becomes knotted from the wind, etc.) therefore in obsessively checking my hair and trying to maintain it’s appearance, I’m fighting a battle I’m destined to lose. Products and determination can only do so much; in the end, it’s nature that is destined to win, and rightfully so, because things are so much more special in their natural form. This is something I hear quite often, and have come to embrace myself- changing yourself with various products to “enhance” your features defeats the initial idea, which was to ENHANCE certain parts of ourselves…instead, such products end up masking these features, by modifying them into something they’re not. Since I am all about loving myself and accepting my body, realizing that all this time I’ve been essentially changing my appearance to feel accepted was a huge step for me. I was actually very surprised to learn that is what I was doing- now looking back at myself even just a few months ago, the amount of cosmetics I used on my face alone was comparable to a circus clown. So, it was the thought process above that helped me challenged my initial worries with a simple word.

Here’s how this challenging process went:

 

Negative mind: “What happens if my mascara runs, and no one tells me, so I end up looking like a fool?” 

Rational mind: “So?”

Negative mind: “So that’s embarrassing! People might make fun of you.”

Rational mind: “So?”

…..this continued only a little longer, because eventually I was able to remind myself that no matter what, people are going to think however they want to- regardless of how much I try to control that by striving to be “one step ahead” of everyone (which is not only impossible, it is also absolutely miserable). If people care enough to make fun of me because of how I look, that’s a reflection on how they feel about themselves and will happen even when I try to prevent it. I’ve struggled a lot with obsessing over what others think of me- always striving to make sure they view me positively. This mirror challenge turned out to be an incredible blessing, because I was able to truly challenge my fears which are constantly reinforced by society. And guess what? I didn’t just survive it; I owned it! I was engaged with those around me, and if anything felt more like myself without having those thoughts plaguing my mind. 

Consider challenging some of the body image struggles you may have. The freedom that can result from such challenging feels incredible! 

Recognize your natural beauty and embrace it! 

 

Best,

Ali Hougnou

(Founder of Project HEAL- Utah Chapter)

projectheal.utah@gmail.com 

Weekend Challenge: show up & be seen.

Often we struggle with wanting to challenge ourselves to be social, but we spend much of our time obsessing over how others may perceive us (not only physically, but also intellectually, emotionally, mentally, and so on). This weekend, I commit to challenging myself to continue participating in social events, with the added challenge of letting go of hiding my true self from others, and allowing myself to be seen just as I am. I will remind myself that I can’t control how others will perceive me, instead, I can control how I present myself and how I treat myself. By allowing myself to show up, free of my perfectionistic mask (make-up and all), I will increase my genuine connectivity with those around me, and I will have the ability to remain mindful and enjoy the present moment- no longer stressing over what I’m going to say next, when should I reapply my make-up, and not shaming myself for things such as, making a silly joke.

Will you join me in my weekend challenge to show up & allow myself to be seen??

Send us your pictures and/or stories of how YOU followed through with this challenge!! =] We’d LOVE to hear from you!!

projectheal.utah@gmail.com
OR
http://www.facebook.com/ProjectHealUtahChapter
OR
Twitter: @projectHEALUtah

Have a fabulous weekend ladies and gents!!

Own your imperfections- they are what make you, uniquely beautiful.

Best,

Ali Hougnou
(Founder of Project HEAL- Utah Chapter)

Definition of Recovery

To me the defintion of the recovery process is: recognizing what went wrong each time we find ourselves lapsing with eating disorder behaviors and each time tweaking our plan or creating an entirely new one to help us continue to strive for a life without an eating disorder. This accountability/replanning process occurs at least a few times (for others maybe a lot more) throughout our journey, and each time we learn new things about ourselves. Additionally, as our accountability realization(s) occurs increasingly closer to the lapse in behaviors, the hope is that eventually we can catch an unhelpful thought and let it remain just as it is- a mere thought among the hundreds or thousands we have a day that does not have to control our entire being. I’m sure we all have differing feelings on what recovery means to us, so maybe this doesn’t fit for you as well as it does for me, and thats totally okay. In fact, having a difference in perspectives when it comes to our individual recovery process is much more ideal because part of this process is learning what unique characteristics separate ourselves from one another. Nevertheless, I think incorporating some method of accountability for yourself is extremely significant within this journey.

Ideas to help keep yourself accountable:

1. Create a daily log for yourself to fill out several times throughout the day that identifies any urges and/or actions that are not aligned with your recovery based values (a post about how to find such values will be created ASAP). If you have a treatment team (therapist, dietitian, group therapist, etc) you might want to consider teaming up this log with them, and having them receive a copy of the completed charts either at the end of the day, week, or even every month (depending on where you’re at in your recovery and/or treatment options).
2. Check-in with yourself about behaviors. This may be more feasible to those who either do not have the time to create/use the logs or know that keeping charts has not worked out well in the past. Set a time (at least 5-10 minutes) each day, where you will tune out the rest of the world around you, and ponder over how much accountability you’ve taken today. Setting an alarm on your phone of when you want to take this time to be mindful will help remind you and essentially help keep you accountable of your accountability for the day (haha that’s quite a bit of ownership there, but I promise it will help you a ton in the long run). During your check-in, try stepping outside, or listening to mellow music to help you disconnect with the busyness of the day and reconnect with yourself. If you want, write down what you want to work on for the rest of the day, or strategize in your mind what would be the best plan of action.
3. Have a weekly e-mail check-in with a therapist, mentor, or other available supporter specifically addressing how you’ve taken ownership of your behavior, and if they were not as effective as you had hoped, discuss what other method you’re going to try with the intentions of attaining a successful outcome.
4. Go to local support groups, especially Eating Disorders Anonymous (EDA), where the  “12 Steps” are incorporated into meetings which function vastly around accountability and ownership.

Being accountable and owning your actions requires vulnerability…this is not something that is easy to do, especially because when we are truly vulnerable that means there is some chance we will encounter feelings such as disappointment (either with ourselves or from others), frustration, or guilt. However, there is also a huge positive that comes out of being vulnerable, that is- we connect with others on a deeper and more genuine level. Furthermore, individuals within our support system can only know what is helpful and what is not when we use our voice and do so while being completely open, honest, and vulnerable. You may be surprised at how positive others react when we take that risk and let them know that we are struggling with certain thoughts, urges, and/or behaviors, because most of the time, these people truly care about us and only want to do whatever is in our best interest.

Remember to always be patient with yourself throughout this process. And never lose hope that there is light at the end of this extremely long, dark, and complex tunnel.

Related articles

• Why Adult Women Suffer From Eating Disorders (johnsola4206.wordpress.com)
• Support System (strongernow92.wordpress.com)
• What is Recovery? (whereistandblog.wordpress.com)

Guest blogger: Grace Dvornik, advises us to be honest.

Being honest can be a difficult task for individuals (for some it may be much harder to do so than for others), because it requires us to be vulnerable and take a risk that typically involves uncertain outcome(s). Recovering from an eating disorder (or any addiction or self-destructive behavior) requires us to do just that- be honest with those around you, especially those who are trying to support you and help you along this path to healing. Something helpful to remind yourself when you are trying to be honest about something (e.g. doing an ED behavior), is that by being open about whatever the behavior was, you give the eating disorder (addiction and/or self-destructive behavior) less power over you, and you in turn gain more power and control of your life. Your recovery process will involve slip ups, that said, it is up to YOU to be honest about them, because your secrets do keep you sick.

Related articles

• Guest blog: Grace Dvornik, 21, FL (projecthealutah.wordpress.com)
• Compulsive Exercise: A Dangerous Behavior (everydayhealth.com)
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Guest blog: Grace Dvornik, 21, FL

Grace Dvornik is a 21year old college student from Clearwater, FL who enjoys photography, painting, surfing, dancing, and singing. She attends Samford University in Birmingham, AL where she is majoring in theatre with an emphasis in set design/scenic painting. Grace began her recovery journey October 23, 2011, and strives to life a recovery-mined life every day.

5 Things I’ve Learned About Recovery:

1.) Have a Solid Support Team and a Positive Role Model-

My support team is made up of a therapist, my closest friends, my family, and some girls I met in treatment. Whenever I am feeling bad, having an off day, or have done something I’m really proud of, I can reach out to these people and they can give me advice, offer support, or celebrate a victory with me. It is crucial to have a group of people who care about you that you can reach out to in any circumstance who will love, support, and encourage you no matter what. Recovery would be a completely different story without a support team!

Having a positive role model is a really important aspect of recovery. If you don’t have a strong influence to look up to, it’s easy to fall along the way. Your role model can be anyone you admire – your parents, a sibling, friend, teacher, someone you met in treatment, etc. I think a very strong role model in the recovery world is Demi Lovato. She has been so open about her struggles in interviews as well as her music. Her stay strong attitude is a great examples for people of all ages in recovery. Sometimes when I’m feeling down, I’ll search for clips of her interviews, being goofy, or the Stay Strong documentary on Youtube and it makes me feel better.

2.) Bad days aren’t forever-

A really good quote I’ve seen is “Don’t make a permanent decision for a temporary emotion.”  In the moment, acting out or hurting yourself when you are feeling negative emotions may seem like the thing to do, but in an hour or a day or even a week when you are feeling better, you’ll regret the ways you’ve acted out. It’s easy to make mistakes during a bad day, but remembering that bad days won’t last forever is really important because but you have to know that after the rough times, a better day is sure to come.

3.) Be Honest-

Be honest with yourself. If you mask what you are feeling, you will never make progress in your recovery. If you are feeling a strong emotion, don’t suppress it – let yourself feel it and ride it out (make sure to respond with a positive coping skill). It is important to acknowledge these feelings because if you bottle them up, it will only cause more problems later. Don’t forget to let yourself feel the positive emotions, too!

It’s also important to be honest with your treatment team. If you aren’t honest with them, they can’t properly help or encourage you. Honesty is a good way for your team to keep you accountable in recovery and help you reach any goals you may have.

4.) Take Time for Yourself-

When you feel yourself getting stressed, it’s important to take a step back and take care of yourself. Taking time for yourself can be any number of things that relax you and makes you feel good. When I need some time to myself, I do things like journal, fix my hair, take a shower or a nap, do yoga, meditate, paint, or watch a rerun of my favorite TV show. If you remember to take a break and slow down every once in a while, you will be able to handle tough situations with a level head.

5.) Progress Takes Practice-

I think a part of me thought that upon discharging from treatment I would automatically be recovered. That was a completely incorrect assumption.

I’ve been working on recovery a couple months shy of two years and I’m still learning new things all the time. What I’ve learned recently is that a big part of recovery is picking yourself up off the floor, wiping away the tears, and telling yourself you are strong enough to overcome adversity. Recovery isn’t something that will just happen – you have to work for it, you have to want it, and you have to realize that life is so much more than an addiction. It’s not easy, but I promise you, it’s worth it.

Related articles

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Helpful advice courtesy of ‘Finding Nemo’ & Stephanie Webb

 

A wonderfully put perspective on working through incredibly painful and uncomfortable emotionally charged situations. It is generally tempting to use a behavior that helps relieve us of feeling uncomfortable quickly in the short-term (ultimately forgetting that eventually this creates additional problems for us in the long-term). This quote provided by Stephanie helps remind us that working through the pain is the only effective method to heal from it and overcome it.

 

Monday Motivation

Thank you Stephanie Webb for offering such beautiful insight and a gorgeous picture taken in Utah (of course!)

From all of us at Project HEAL and Project HEAL- Utah Chapter, we hope you all had a wonderful weekend, and are ready to start the week on an optimistic note!

Best,

Ali Hougnou

(Founder of Project HEAL- Utah Chapter)

projectheal.utah@gmail.com

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The Struggles of Bad Body Image

**Another guest post courtesy of the lovely Samantha Hope (co-founder of Project HEAL- Utah Chapter)**

Body image is a daily struggle, I often wonder if I will ever get past it.  As I reflect on my life and where I am now and where I have been it is hard to comprehend how this struggle came about.  I used to like my body a long time ago.  I mean just think of all our body does for us on a daily basis…how can we not like and be thankful for our bodies?  When you really think about it our bodies are very fascinating.  We have internal organs that help us breathe, digest food, a heart that beats, a brain that does endless things.  We have also been given bones, skin, muscle and fat to help protect those delicate organs.  Although, how much do we actually focus on those internal things?  I think most of our focus tends to go towards those outwardly things.  Why? 

The things on the inside are the most important part of us those are how we stay alive.  So why is it that I struggle every single day with this outwardly body?

Sometimes I sit and think to myself how dumb am I?  I am probably the only 37 year old woman that fights with herself every day.  But, guess what?  I know I am not alone, for this is why I have chosen to reach out and share my story and my struggles. I want other women to know they are not alone. When I was getting ready to go into treatment I was so scared thinking I was going to be the only  “old” lady.  I mean eating disorders do not happen to women my age. These kinds of things only affect our young… Well, I quickly learned otherwise.  It was so nice to see that I wasn’t alone. Although, my heart breaks on a daily basis for all of those that deal with the same struggles that I do. 

Some would say well if you don’t like looking at your body than don’t look in a mirror. Well, that works to a point.  But do you know how many things that aren’t truly mirrors reflect like a mirror? I will share with you my biggest downfall: Walking into stores; the doors are my worst enemy. I tell myself every time I go to the store not to look, but the doors are so big, how can you not look.  I mean, I guess I could close my eyes as I walk into a store and hope I don’t run into anyone or anything. Those doors ruin my whole day.  The thoughts start immediately.  It is so sad that the few seconds it takes to walk in a door can ruin my whole day. 

Another downfall happens when I am getting ready for my day…getting dressed. No matter how many times I tell myself I just got my jeans out of the dryer that is why they are tighter it does not help. My thoughts get out of control so quickly and of course when my mind is in those thoughts my logical mind can’t come through. 

There are other downfalls I face but between these two alone I have days where I would rather not get ready for the day or leave my house. But going back to my beginning thought of wondering if I will ever get past this, I have to say, I am getting to a point that I have faith that I will get through this. I can say I am not even close to where I used to be, but I have come so far from some deep dark times.

I have reached a point that I can acknowledge the thoughts and they may sit with me for some time, but I can move past them and not let them ruin my day. 

So to all those women out there (whether you’re a Mom or not please know that you are not alone in these struggles), don’t be afraid to reach out or talk to someone about them.  You may feel so silly and think this is only an issue for younger girls, well guess what we are all human and age does not matter.

 

Guest blog: Samantha Hope (co-founder of Project HEAL- Utah Chapter)

Sometimes I don’t feel like the “norm” in the eating disorder world. This is why I have chosen to share my story and become co-founder of the Project HEAL– Utah Chapter.  There is such a stigma when it comes to eating disorders, especially when it comes to what society expects someone with an eating disorder to look like. People need to understand that there is no “cookie cutter” eating disorder.  Eating disorders come in different shapes, sizes, genders, race, and age. Just because someone is considered to be at a “healthy” weight does not mean they don’t have an eating disorder.

With that being said I will share “MY” story.  I grew up being an only child being raised by my Mom.  My Dad passed away when I was 10 months old.  I lived a good life, which included being involved in activities that I enjoyed.  I had friends, although I was quite shy until I got to know people.  I never had a fear of food and I never had body image issues growing up.  When I was 18 I moved from California to Utah with some friends with the intention of going to school…Well I met my husband instead. We were married in December 1995.

My first 13 years of marriage were spent working full-time until I started having kids.  Since then I have gone back and forth from being a full-time stay at home Mom to working part-time out of the home.  I also did not think it was ok to get a babysitter so my husband and I could go on dates, or for any reason for that matter. I felt that I did not have kids for others to take care of them, unless it was an absolute emergency.  Eventually things caught up to me and I was so drained and worn out.  I never did anything for myself as I thought that was selfish.  That eventually all caught up to me.

In 2008 when my 4^th child was about 14 months I had to have a hysterectomy. With this procedure came a 12 week recovery time. Twelve weeks of not being able to do much of anything took a toll on my body. I was having thoughts of needing to get active to drop just a little bit of weight. I started to incorporate some activity into my days.

Well things got harder for me emotionally as my husband ended up in the hospital for a week with cellulitis. I was physically and emotionally gone. Things quickly went downhill for me.

I started getting really tired and lost my appetite. I didn’t understand what was going on so I went to the doctors where he did some lab work, it turned out I had somehow contracted Hep A.  Well, if anyone has had that they know what the recovery time can be. My doctor kept monitoring me and just associated my quick drastic weight loss to that. This is when my life turned upside down. Anorexia took me over.  Who would have thought a 32 year old woman with 4 kids that never had any issues with food of her body could be taken over by an eating disorder?

When I look back now I can see how things got out of control, how little behaviors started so little and then took me over. On top of the physical behaviors, my mental behaviors took me down.  My thoughts were focused 24/7 on what I could do and what I couldn’t do, and how can I get away with this or with that. I was living in a nightmare that I could not escape.  Nothing anyone could say or do phased me.

The next several years were very trying on myself and my family. After I got out of denial of what was happening to me, I found the Center for Change. I began seeing a therapist and a dietician at CFC who tried time and time again to get me to enter inpatient treatment. It was not so easy to just drop everything and enter treatment, as well as considering the strain it would cause on my marriage. It was not until a year later I put my foot down and entered CFC’s day patient program. I was lucky enough that they gave me the chance to try day patient as they wanted me inpatient, but I just could not see how that would work.

I spent just about 6 months traveling 1 hour and 15 minutes each way Monday through Friday to CFC to attend the day program. I wish there was somewhere closer to me that I could have went for treatment, but I am very blessed that I was still in a short enough distance to CFC. It is an amazing facility that has done so much good for me and my life. It has not been easy and it is still a work in progress every single day.

Because of what I have been through and the fact there is not a whole lot of help in my area, I have returned to school so that I will be able to help those in need. I am also the co-founder of Project HEAL – Utah Chapter.  Project HEAL (Help to: Eat, Accept, and Live) is a non-profit organization that helps to promote positive body image and raises awareness about eating disorders. Project HEAL raises funds to help those that are in need of treatment but have been unable to afford it.  As we all know treatment is expensive and insurance companies don’t cover much with regards to the treatment for eating disorders.

I know it is possible to recover from an eating disorder it has been done by so many. The first step is to let go of the denial, and then to reach out for help.

Don’t let an eating disorder control your life.  Life is worth living.

I can say that while I do have thoughts that still cross my mind on a daily basis, I have learned to acknowledge them and move on.  My mind is not taken over anymore by the nightmare that ED brought into my life. I have taken my life back, while I am not perfect, I am striving to do the best that I can for me. I want to be here to witness my kids grow up and share in the joys in their lives. Recovery is hard, but it is definitely worth it!

For more information about Project HEAL- Utah Chapter, e-mail us at projectheal.utah@gmail.com